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1982

The Incubus (1982) Review

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A rapist is stalking the quiet streets of Galen. The town doctor (John Cassavetes) and sheriff (John Ireland) are horrified by the vicious crimes and perplexed by the strange evidence left at the crime scenes. The doctor discovers the attacks only occur when Tim, his daughter’s boyfriend, has nightmares. Is Tim responsible, or is there a more sinister force at work?

A word of warning to slasher fans. The rape scenes in The Incubus aren’t designed for cheap titillation like those found in a Troma film. These rapes are brutal. The screams of the actresses portraying victims makes the scenes even more realistic and disturbing. If such imagery angers you, then look elsewhere for your slasher thrills.

John Cassavetes is miscast as a small town doctor. His bedside manner includes yelling and slapping patients. It doesn’t matter how traumatized a patient is because he gives them all the same diagnosis, “You’ll be alright.” Still, Cassavetes is the best actor in the cast. Ireland just stands around looking helpless.

John Hough’s direction is the spark that makes The Incubus shine. Camera angles get stranger as the plot grows weirder. Writer George Franklin throws in a wicked twist ending, but fills the story with unresolved subplots and stale dialog. An incestuous relationship between doctor and daughter, the doc’s involvement in a lover’s death, and witchcraft are just a few of the open ended storylines. We never learn how the killer picks victims, either.

Even though The Incubus has a number of suspenseful moments and a crazy yet entertaining star, the brutality of the rape scenes make it a difficult film to watch. The film’s final blood drenched image carries the emotional impact of a punch to the stomach.



The Incubus is coming to DVD from Scorpion Releasing between September 2011-March 2012.

Humongous (1982) Review

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In 1946, a woman is raped during a Labor Day party. 36 years later, a group of teens become stranded on Dog Island after their yacht hits some rocks. The group quickly discovers there is something worse than wild dogs living on the island.

While watching Humongous, slasher fans should look for the many Scooby-Doo references. The teens are a blonde guy (David Wallace), his model girlfriend (Janet Julian), a brainy girl with glasses (Janet Julian), a stoner (John Wildman), and everyman’s best friend (Joy Boushel). The smart chick loses her glasses just like Velma. The gang even splits up to look for clues.

The most sympathetic characters are Donna the slut and the killer. Poor Donna never fits in with the rich kids and most of the characters are mean to her. She has trouble communicating with others and relies on her breasts in most situations, even when gathering food. The killer, a giant mongoloid, only kills because he is hungry. His cruel mother forces him to live in a rat infested cellar. There are a few hints that his mother tortured him because of his deformities.

The biggest flaw in Humongous is the terrible lighting. Most of the action scenes are waaay to dark to see what’s happening. Even the killer’s face is blotted out, so the viewer never knows just how monstrous he looks. Some suspense is killed because the viewer knows more than the characters. We know a brute is stalking the kids, so the big revelation concerning the killer’s identity lacks impact.

Director Paul Lynch and writer William Gray, the tag team that created Prom Night, filled Humongous with many slasher staples; including killer POV shots, a woman surviving by dressing like the killer’s dead mother, and the line “I killed him. It’s all over.” If you like the hulking, deformed slasher subgenre (Hell Night, The House on Sorority Row, The Prey), then you should enjoy Humongous.

Humongous is coming to DVD from Scorpion Releasing between September 2011-March 2012.

SOV Summer: Boardinghouse (1982) Review

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*Note: I wrote this review before Code Red’s release of this incredible film.

For those of you unaware of who exactly to blame for the shot-on-video sub-genre, look no further than director David Wintergate who made the first SOV flick, Boardinghouse. It would be easy enough to attack the poor Mr. Wintergate for creating such an ill-conceived movement, but I’ll be damned, Boardinghouse is good stuff.

vlcsnap-2009-08-06-21h50m30s17Of course, you’ll have to forgive its many faults, including the awful opening sequence, which features a very primitive word processor delegating information to the audience regarding the house in question. After a few minutes of obnoxious beeping, I thought I was through with this cheap backyard slasher, but then came the real movie, featuring Wintergate as Jim (looking a lot like Michael Des Barres) practicing the art of telekinesis in his underwear at his office! We soon find out that Jim has put out an ad for tenants, women only no less, to live with him in his large but rather bland house. Being the 80s – which means tons of women with loose morals – the house fills up quicker than a bar on bottomless beer night. In fact, there are so many women, it’s almost impossible to keep track of them all. I ended up calling them “Blonde Floozy” and “Hot Blonde British Girl” just to identify them.

Things are sexy, fun and pretty mild until some sort of unseen force starts slicing its way through the estrogen. Luckily, before each gory scene Wintergate threw in a hallucinogenic warning sign so we can cover our poor, virgin eyes if need be. One of the girls, Victoria (Kalassu… that’s right, simply Kalassu), an up and coming rock star (and the only girl with a discernable personality) also has the touch and during a house party, the couple go toe to toe with the menacing force, which frankly was never that menacing to begin with.

vlcsnap-2009-08-06-22h03m01s87Boardinghouse is a movie that has to be seen to be believed. But be forewarned, you must have the constitution of a true horror hound with a taste for the totally absurd to watch it all the way through. Luckily, I am that person, so this was as good as ice cream on a hot summer day. I don’t think I could exactly pinpoint what was so bewitching about this mess of movie, but I laughed the whole way through and I just simply enjoyed the moxey of Wintergate. Plus Kalassu does show some real presence as an actress and a singer and gives the disgruntled audience one character to hold on to.

Since its original release, Boardinghouse has been relegated to the dusty back shelves of video stores, which is unfortunate, especially in this day and age where we’ve reached a new pinnacle of SOV madness. Few of these newer films can hold a candle to Wintergate’s extremely flawed but effervescent sleaze fest. I hope Wintergate is aware of the lunacy he’s unleashed on genre fans across the globe and I hope he’s smiling.

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The Last Horror Film – Uncut Special Edition DVD (Review)

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Vinny Durand (Joe Spinell) is a taxi driver with an unhealthy obsession (is there any other kind?) for actress Jana Bates (Caroline Munro). He wants her for a movie he’s making. Of course, like a pre-cursor to 70% of horror fans you meet on the internet, he has no actual plan in place to make his film a reality – he is just more interested in receiving validation from people in the industry, even if he doesn’t realize that himself. Where is his funding? His crew? His call sheet for Bates? In Durand’s fantasy world, all he needs to make his film a reality is a vaseline-smeared camera to aim at his actress. It’d be easy to blame (like in real life) his family for propping him up with that B.S. “all you need is passion to make things happen” mentality, but then you see his mother is the realist of the two, constantly worrying/berating him for his crystal clear nuttiness.

Spinell is either the greatest method actor ever, or the most emotive person ever. Like in MANIAC, his constant whimperings relay a sort of audience see-saw of pity/disgust for the fellow. The character, I mean. I hope. The late Spinell was an interesting guy, an actor with as much textures to his personality as in his pockmarked cheeks.

The other larger-than-life character in the film is… The Cannes Film Festival. Shooting footage of the festival boosts its production value greatly. It’s a blast to slo-mo the DVD during these scenes to catch glimpses of early pre-release artwork for various films.

Intended to cash-in on the success of the Spinell/Munro teaming on MANIAC, THE LAST HORROR FILM is more hardlinked to that earlier film then most realize. Spinell plays a similar mama’s-boy character. The New Yawkness of both flicks. And the fact this was retitled MANIAC 2: LOVE TO KILL in foreign markets. But whereas MANIAC is the slicker, more impacting of the two, THE LAST HORROR FILM has the more interesting conclusion, offering up a slasher-centric twist I didn’t see coming because I had the framework of MANIAC stuck in my mind.

This DVD is billed as THE UNCUT SPECIAL EDITION. “Uncut” is a general term that could take into account, or not, several factors. These include how different countries get different censorings, how the ratings board makes cuts, how sometimes the distributor makes their own cuts at home video format level on purpose or by accident, and then there are times when the term is applied purely for marketing purposes. So, subjective term that “Uncut” is, I was happy to see it ring true in my case. I had no idea how butchered the Australian VHS of THE LAST HORROR FILM was until I saw Troma’s DVD. There’s some pretty heavy gore present, primarily in an aftermath shot, but for this fellah it was a revelation.

Onto the Special Features: There’s the usual assortment of not-directly-relevant Tromatic offerings, which retro slasher fans tend to skip ever since being burned on that GRADUATION DAY DVD. But Troma have come a long way since then in the way they put their DVDs together, and THE LAST HORROR FILM is truly befitting of the Tromapiece Collection banner this and other titles are being released under.

The centerpiece of the fun is My Best Maniac: An afternoon with Spinell’s best friend, Luke Walter. It’s a sobering account of Spinell’s association with THE LAST HORROR FILM and life in general. It breaks the fourth wall at one point, an instance I wasn’t a fan of but realize it was needed to accurately portray the man and the myth. There’s also an Audio Commentary by Walter, moderated by Evan Husney which I must admit, I’ve only combed 1/3rd of so far – my preference is to rip feature length ACs to CD and listen to them on my long and frequent road rides. An Interview with Maniac director William Lustig – now we’re cooking with gas (or whatever you cook with, I’m a microwave guy). Additional information from the MANIAC director further solidifies the linkage between the two films and illuminates more Spinell and BTS background detail. The Introduction by Lloyd Kaufman perhaps is strangely apt, unintentionally drawing parallels between the manic veneers of Lloyd and Spinell. Rounding out the package are the Original theatrical trailer and TV spots which are boilerplate extras, but essential archival materials.

It’s hard to call this a Special Feature as I’d gladly have paid for it on its own disc – Buddy Giovinazzo’s short rarely-seen short, MR. ROBBIE, a.k.a. MANIAC 2, starring Spinell is a holy grail to slasher fans which was once easily accessed until the MANIAC Laserdisc and later DVD it was on went out of print for the longest time. Now it’s back in mass production and also on Troma’s COMBAT SHOCK disc for good measure (due to that film being directed by Buddy G), so this footage isn’t going to vanish anytime soon. I only have the Elite Laserdisc for reference, but the copy included here seems longer and more raw, head/tail scratch reels included. This promotional effort reimagines Spinell as a TV Clown who wreaks vengeance upon the parents of abused children. The only seeming link with the original MANIAC is that, well, Spinell is his usual huffing, sweaty, intense self in the footage. And that is all the sequel would have needed to work – Spinell himself. A pivotal point the inevitable remake of MANIAC will lose on before it even begins.

The Slayer (1982)

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I’m a little bit country, I’m a little bit rock and roll. Yeah, I like my movies gory and scary. As time passes, I’ve discovered a camp of moviegoers who find gore scary and sometimes prefer the sharp end of a blade to a shot of a bomb under a table, ticking away. Far be it from me to say that’s not right, horror is one of the most subjective genres going, and that’s awesome. Unfortunately, too many filmmakers thought gore always made up for what it lacked in story, hoping the audience would be more enamored with a decapitated head than the build up to a decapitated head. For viewers who carry a heavy heart over this, you can get the best of both worlds in an underrated movie called The Slayer.

For years, J.S. Cardone’s directorial debut floated around in many different, uncredited versions, which added a bit of mystery to the film when it first started popping up on video store shelves. It came out in different editions, including a double feature along with the far less scary Scalps, which is the version I have. I remember going into it blind and being simply enthralled by the atmosphere. I’m not sure if it was a conscious choice to make this film about adults that lends it an air of maturity, but this movie imbues a real feeling of dread, and at some points, hopelessness, even with the supernatural angle.

The Slayer is populated with unfamiliar faces and the setting is deliciously desolate. Ungodly pale Sara Kendall is perfect as the put-upon ‘protagonist’ whose nightmares just might be working their way into the real world. An interesting precursor to A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Slayer balances the supernatural elements against an all out slasher to great effect.

To say too much about the Slayer would be wrong, because it needs to be discovered and viewed without a sense of the rules of slashers. The Slayer bends every one as the film twists and turns into a downbeat surrealistic whirlpool.

The Last Horror Film (1982) Review

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Vinny Durand (Joe Spinell) is a delusional taxi driver who dreams of making a big screen horror movie with the ultra-famous Jana Bates (Caroline Munro). Disregarding some relentless teasing from the neighborhood losers and after his mother asks him to “quit talking the crazy talk” Vinny heads off the Cannes Film Festival to woo Jana at any cost.

The Last Horror Film, which is by no means a classic, still remains an interesting experiment for many reasons. For one, the locale, Cannes, France allows the filmmakers to get Marcello Mastroianni in an unusual cameo! Also, the way the film likens Vinny to John Hinkley who had just shot President Regan to get Jodie Foster’s attention was a unique angle. Relating Vinny to a real life attempted assassin creates a slightly uncomfortable feeling, but the movie itself borders enough in Ed Wood-land to lift the mean-spiritedness right off it!

The late, great Joe Spinell is a knockout as Vinny. He slithers his greased up nekkid torso along a projection screen and breaks into crazed tears whenever he deals with his mother (played by his real life mom). An actor who always gave his all, Spinell takes what is essentially the character from Maniac (deranged yet tortured) and puts a fresh spin on it. On the other hand, the beautiful Caroline Munro is good but her hair is so confusingly bad (as is her wardrobe) she becomes more of a distraction than anything else. But check out her beige husband (played by her then real life husband) as he attempts to act his way out of a paper bag. He failed.

This movie does have some nice moments. There’s clever dialog, mostly at the beginning, and the filmmakers captured enough of the festival to give the viewer a flavor for it. But the highlight of The Last Horror Film feature clips from fictitious horror movies that usually end with a woman being brutally slaughtered. A scene where a panel of judges watch Jana get her face burned off, only to have them vote her as best actress over Meryl Streep (!) is hilarious. In other words, it’s silly enough to hold your attention but like a lot of the topless women lying along the beach, it’s just an inflated attempt at perfection.

This was Joe and Caroline’s third and final film together. They both appeared in Maniac and the awesomely bad yet incredibly entertaining Starcrash. If you’re a fan of either actor, this is a must-see.

Don’t Go In The Woods (1982) Review

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Being the rabid slasher freak I am, I sometimes find myself defending all sorts of movies. I can usually find a far-fetched excuse which will explain why the victim-to-be took a flashlight instead of a gun. But once in a while I’ll come across a movie that cannot be defended. One such title is Don’t Go in the Woods.

You may find yourself tempted to rent this movie because of its eye-catching cover art and the misleading synopsis featured on the back of the box. Ah, to have been a copywriter in the 80s!  A challenging job, for sure…

A dim-witted group of campers (I won’t bother telling you their names as it just does not matter) head off for a weekend of open air and oneness with nature. Little do they know that in this desolate part of the forest, there is a killer in their wake.

A simple enough formula done with such incompetence that it makes The Prey look like pure genius. I’m not actually sure what the filmmakers were shooting for, but I think the thought process was to splash so much of the red stuff that we don’t notice how bad the rest of it is. And yes, though there are several victims, the blood shed is so poorly shot; you spend half the time wondering where the grue is actually coming from. It’s probably of note that the killer, who looks like he just woke up after a Mardi-Gras blowout, can actually throw various small objects with such force it will slash your face to ribbons.

Don’t Go in the Woods is the kind of movie that makes you want to rub the director’s nose in the box and scream “No! Bad Movie! Baaaaad Movie!”

Visiting Hours (1982) Review

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Lee Grant stars as a tough fem news woman fighting to save a battered woman from prison. Grant’s activism sets off a maniac (Michael Ironside), is attacked, and spends the rest of the film in a hospital. Ironside follows Grant to the hospital to finish the job. William Shatner is Grant’s TV producer and Linda Purl is a nurse who befriends Grant.

Michael Ironside is the real star of Visiting Hours. The killer, Colt Hawker, is a complete sociopath. He kills stabs women and takes pictures of them while their life slips away. Colt is a real monster, we pass him on the street or see him in the grocery store. But this monster was created by an abusive parent. We pity Colt, even though we’re scared shitless by him. Colt possesses the cunning of a animal and killer instinct of a shark.

Director Jean Claude Lord uses misdirection to build suspense. He makes the audience think Ironside is in one location, then shocks us when we think the characters are safe. Despite a lack of blood and gore, the murders are still shocking because the camera never flinches from the deaths. The audience, like the victims, suffer through long agonizing death scenes. Like the men in the film, we are helpless to save the women in danger.

The flaw in hospital slasher films is the Heroine is stuck in bed for most of the film. Grant has little to do until the end except scream and cuss. It’s ironic, Grant’s independent character has to rely on others, and no one can make her safer. Linda Purl has a similar plight, none of the male police will help her when Ironside is stalking her little girl.

Visiting Hours is an excellent slasher, certainly the best slasher to take place in a hospital. Without Ironside’s performance the film would be routine. A fun game to play while watching Visiting Hours is “spot the slasher vet cameo.” Lenore (Happy Birthday to Me) Zann, Harvey (Funeral Home) Atkin, and Neil (Axel from My Bloody Valentine) Affleck make appearances in small roles. And of course, William Shatner wears Michael Myers face during the whole film.

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