|
 For
those of you unaware of who exactly to blame for the shot-on-video
sub-genre, look no further than director David Wintergate who
made the first SOV flick, Boardinghouse. It would be
easy enough to attack the poor Mr. Wintergate for creating such
an ill-conceived movement, but I’ll be damned, Boardinghouse
is good stuff.
Of course, you’ll have to forgive its many faults,
including the awful opening sequence, which features a very
primitive word processor delegating information to the audience
regarding the house in question. After a few minutes of obnoxious
beeping, I thought I was through with this cheap backyard
slasher, but then came the real movie, featuring Wintergate
as Jim (looking like a really used up Michael Des Barres)
practicing the art of telekinesis in his underwear at his
office! We soon find out that Jim has put out an ad for tenants,
women only no less, to live with him in his large but rather
bland house. Being the 80s, which means tons of women with
loose morals, the house fills up quicker than a bar on bottomless
beer night. In fact, there are so many women, it’s almost
impossible to keep track of them all. I ended up calling them
“Blonde Floozy” and “Hot Blonde British
Girl” just to separate them all.
Things are sexy, fun and pretty mild until some sort of unseen
force starts slicing its way through the estrogen. Luckily,
before each gory scene Wintergate threw in a hallucinogenic
warning sign so we can cover our poor, virgin eyes if need
be. One of the girls, Victoria (Kalassu… that’s
right, simply Kalassu), an up and coming rock star (and the
only girl with a discernable personality) also has the touch
and during a house party, the couple go toe to toe with the
menacing force, which frankly was never that menacing to begin
with.
Boardinghouse
is a movie that has to be seen to be believed. But be forewarned,
you must have the constitution of a true horror hound with
a taste for the totally absurd to watch it all the way through.
Luckily, I am that person, so this was as good as ice cream
on a hot summer day. I don’t think I could exactly pinpoint
what was so bewitching about this mess of movie, but I laughed
the whole way through and I just simply enjoyed the moxey
of Wintergate. Plus Kalassu does show some real presence as
an actress and a singer and gives the disgruntled audience
one character to hold on to.
Since
its original release, Boardinghouse has been relegated
to the dusty back shelves of video stores, which is unfortunate,
especially in this day and age where we’ve reached a
new pinnacle of SOV madness. Few of these newer films can
hold a candle to Wintergate’s extremely flawed but effervescent
sleaze fest. I hope Wintergate is aware of the lunacy he’s
unleashed on genre fans across the globe and I hope he’s
smiling.
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